I’m in trouble, and I know it. I don’t know the solution though. Everyone says it’s supposed to be inside. I suppose that’s true, but I don’t know quite where to look.
I decided to take today (Sunday) just for myself. To do whatever I felt like doing. I didn’t really sleep in but I did lounge around in bed reading Dan Brown’s Inferno. I’m enjoying his bit of fluff. It’s been far too long since I’ve just read for the sake of reading, which is sad in and of itself because I LOVE reading! I also read a yoga magazine just because.
Somewhere around noon I got up and started doing a little cleaning. In my camera bag I found a camera card containing five videos of me ziplining in Maui. A light bulb went off—somewhere on that sdhc card I might find the answers I’ve been looking for.
I worked sooo hard for months, physically and mentally, to be able to go ziplining in Maui. (There’s far more to Maui story, but that will wait. I want this blog to be about zipping……) Of all the activities I dreamed of participating in while I was in Maui, ziplining was the ONLY one that came with a weight requirement. I struggled for months with my food choices and my workouts. I exhibited a determination I’d never seen before. My eating and workouts weren’t perfect but I woke up every day fixated upon my goal.
Someone told me if you worked out before you ate that you’d lose weight more quickly, so almost every morning I’d get up, put on my New Balance shoes and just go straight out the door and walk for 2 miles. I didn’t think about it; I just did it. I ate almost the same thing every day for breakfast: 1) Yoplait light yogurt with ½ c. fiber one cereal and a diced up apple or 2) oatmeal with a diced up apple and a ¼ c. of raw almonds. The rest of my day would vary, but I’d always start off the same.
A few weeks before I left I wasn’t sure I’d make the weight requirement so I bought some Nike shoes that weigh less that one pound. They’re actually quite comfy. When I got to Maui, ziplining was the first activity I did. I wanted to do it first so I wouldn’t have to worry about the scale for the rest of my visit. As it turns out I had nothing to worry about. I was nicely below their weight limit, and I had an amazing time! With this particular company two people zipped at the same time, so I had the pleasure of always going last and zipping with the cutest safety guy!
That was about eleven months ago (October 18th, 2011). So much of my life has changed since then, in ways I never imagined, in ways I never planned. Joseph Campbell was right, “we must be willing to let go of the life we planned so as to have the life that is waiting for us.” For much of this past year, I’ve been okay. Just okay. I’m referring to my relationship with food here.
Then my father died. I went on auto-pilot. I started eating too much comfort food. It’s not that I ever really binged, but it’s adding up. I’ve gained a few pounds. Just a few. But that’s a warning sign. I can’t go back. I won’t go back to where I was. But I’m no longer sure how to move forward. I’m just not. And it’s not really about a number on the scale, it’s about how I feel, about how my body feels, and my body wants to feel better and stronger.
Looking at the videos of my zipling experience remind me of my inner strength and also remind me of the beauty and value of taking one day at time, and I know that if I do that I’ll keep moving forward into the amazing adventure my life is becoming……………….
Scenes from Line 4 of my 5 line zipping experience:
Scenes from Line 5 of my 5 line zipping experience (line 5 is over 1/2 mile long and takes you more than 600 feet above the ground!):