The Day I Finally Knew

So much of my life has changed this past year, so much of my life has changed during these past five years, and in some ways I’m tired of changing. I’m exhausted with all the effort it takes, yet, yet, I sit here plotting more change!  Why? Because I want more out of this life. I KNOW I am so much more than my mind would have me believe. My heart, my spirit tells me this clearly and definitively.

As I sit here this morning, New Year’s Eve 2013, I’m creating and planning more definitive and, dare I say, drastic transformations in my life. I’ve watched myself and my emotional eating behaviors over these past few months. I’ve engaged in more comfort eating than I’d care to admit. I’ve observed the fast food cravings that would hit me with a force that would make 80mph gale force winds seem like romantic caresses from Mother Nature. I resisted them sometimes but not all the time.

On more than one occasion, a small or medium French fry from McDonald’s filled my heart with love the way nothing else could. It’s been months since I had one, but I can soooo easily recall the soothing embrace of a chocolate dipped cone, also from McDonald’s. The reasons, the moments, the incidents that brought forth these seemingly necessary culinary medicinals—I can recollect in detail, but this post isn’t about that.

This post is about my continuing metamorphosis, my lightning fast transformation into a healthier individual, mentally, emotionally and spiritually.

Riding that spin cycle on Sunday instilled in me the desire to take the next step forward in my journey. To take another, a deeper look at my food. I know the triggers. I know the situations. I know. I know when, where, why I’ll want to eat food that doesn’t work in tandem with my goal. But I needed to get to  a place of greater emotional strength before I tackled this part of my food journey.

Thankfully, I’ve reached that pinnacle, that fork in the road. For the next three days I will be doing some serious work with food. I’ll be going to stores: Whole Foods, Sprouts and a couple of regular stores. I’ll be buying AND exploring. Looking for healthy foods and snacks I’ll enjoy eating because if I don’t enjoy the taste there’s really no point.  For dietary changes to be permanent I have to enjoy what I’m eating—I am, after all, a FOOD ADDICT. 

Any foods I buy will need to be separated into serving sizes.  Seriously folks, who amongst you can eat just one serving out of a potato chip bag or a bag of nuts? This way I’ll be able to just grab a snack to keep with me and if I DO happen to eat it out of emotion, I’ll know what I’ve eaten, and it’s the KNOWING, really KNOWING that is more than half the battle with me.

But it’s not just the food, I have to create a clean nurturing space in my apartment where I can just be. I have spaces where I meditate, but I’ve fallen off the wagon of keeping my spaces as clear as I’d like, and this is so important because so often these past few months I’ve found myself feeling overwhelmed, feeling as though I have no time, feeling like I can’t breathe.

And shoes. This girl needs shoes for her new cycling habit (do you see how I’ve already decided it’s going to be a habit!:)

This is my task then for the next three days. This is what I’ll be doing. This is what I’ll be focusing on. Food. Clearing Space. New shoes.

I’ll be skipping yoga on Wednesday. I’m not going out on New Year’s Eve. I’ll be getting some exercise, but it’ll be interspersed with the work I’ve set out to do. These changes aren’t about having New Year’s resolutions. These changes are about me deciding I’m worth working on. And that’s something I can be excited about………………………………….

I’ll be detailing some of my journey on facebook, so please feel free to be a part of my journey, if you’d like:

Now, if you’ll excuse me I have some shopping and cleaning to do!!!

Here’s a poem that inspires me to keep working on me!  

The Journey by Mary Oliver (with thanks to Joey for posting this recently and reminding me of its power!)

One day you finally knew 
what you had to do, and began, 
though the voices around you 
kept shouting 
their bad advice—
though the whole house 
began to tremble 
and you felt the old tug 
at your ankles. 
“Mend my life!” 
each voice cried. 
But you didn’t stop. 
You knew what you had to do, 
though the wind pried 
with its stiff fingers 
at the very foundations, 
though their melancholy 
was terrible. 
It was already late 
enough, and a wild night, 
and the road full of fallen 
branches and stones. 
But little by little, 
as you left their voices behind, 
the stars began to burn 
through the sheets of clouds, 
and there was a new voice 
which you slowly 
recognized as your own, 
that kept you company 
as you strode deeper and deeper 
into the world 
determined to do 
the only thing you could do—
determined to save
the only life you could save.



2 thoughts on “The Day I Finally Knew

  1. Hell Yeah Nancy! 😉 Good for you! I applaud your motivation to further improve an area of your life that you feels needs improvement! It’s hard to acknowledge it and even harder to change it! Your positive attitude and determination is an inspiration to us all! Keep up the good work! 😉

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