Size matters, or does it?
Last week while shopping for shoes, I insisted that I needed a wide shoe. The clerk told me they only had one style in wide, so, on a whim, I told her I’d try several 10 mediums, along with the one 10 wide. Much to my surprise the 10 mediums not only fit, but they fit well. The sides of my feet did not roll over the edge. Plus, my feet felt more comfortable in the mediums than the wide. To make sure of this I walked around the store in the shoes for about 15-20 minutes. After all, how could a medium fit well and be comfy?
When I think of my body changing through my fitness and eating efforts, I don’t conceive of my feet changing, but apparently they have! I don’t expect to always fit into a medium (it’s not like shoes have standard sizes, after all!), but I have to let go of my preconceptions of what size WILL fit me.
Fast forward to last night at Macy’s. They were having an amazing sale—I know this because I go there more frequently than I’ll admit. I saw this gorgeous red coat. I tried it on in a size 22 and the arms fit but the rest just made me look fat. Trust me it did. I went home sooooooo depressed……….
But this little voice said “go back to the store. Go back.” So I went back. This time I tried on a size 18. It actually fit better! It looked good on me! The arms fit too. (My arms are on the big side so that is often a litmus test for me). Now I will say the coat doesn’t quite close completely in front, but I actually prefer that look in most cases, and definitely in this case.
That night I also decided to try on a 0x sweater vest and it also fit.
During the course of my shopping adventures earlier in the week I tried on some cute sale clothes in sizes I THOUGHT would fit, but these clothes SWAM on me.
I feel sometimes like my head is swirling in a vastly unknown vortex of possibilities. Nothing fits me the way it should. Nothing is the way it was. And I don’t know how it is now.
The last time I went to Disneyland I bought a sundress in an XL. It’s an A-line with an elastic top. I wasn’t sure it would fit but if it didn’t now it would soon. I tried it on the other night and it FIT. I can wear it now if I want.
So does size matter? Does the number on a label matter? I don’t think so. BUT, I do feel better knowing the work I’m doing on my body translates into smaller clothing sizes. It’s so strange to let go of the known and step into the unknown. Sometimes I feel like hiding under a rock because it seems like the changes in my life are coming so quickly, and at a lightning fast pace.
But I’ve stayed under that rock for too long. Far too long. It’s time to celebrate me and the positive changes I’m experiencing. It’s time to embrace the idea that my body is becoming more of what it’s mean to be. That I’m becoming more of whom I’m meant to be.
That’s the lesson of the red coat. And how it’s teaching me that size really doesn’t matter. Mindset does.