It’s time to make a change. It’s time to become more of who I am. In the next couple of months I’ll be migrating over to http://confessionsofayogaprincess.wordpress.com/. By the end of the summer I’ll have completed the move. Until then all my musings will be posted here and on the other blog. In this way, I’ll have time to make sure everyone who looks for me here will be able to find my new location! In the meantime, here’s a blog on my Bikram Yoga Practice!
Some of the poses in Bikram Yoga I have trouble with because of my current body shape; with others it’s my mind; and, with all poses difficulties arise from a combination of body and mind.
Fixed Firm has always stood out for me as a pose I aspire to achieve. Yet, paradoxically, I’ve also always felt I never would be able to achieve it, at least not until I had a skinnier body. But I’ve been around long enough to know that EACH AND EVERY TIME I utter the words “I’m not skinny enough to do that” or “I’m too fat to do that” it’s my brain working diligently at limiting me.
You see, my mind, left to its own devices would have me devouring sugary fatty foods to the point of emotional oblivion. My sneaky devious mind would have me believe there are so so so many things I can’t do, when the truth is just the opposite—I can do anything! I might have to work for it, but, if I put my mind to work, the possibilities are limitless.
Fixed Firm brings a whole new dimension to the mental, emotional and physical healing aspects of yoga. In addition to the struggles my body might have in fulfilling the ideal logistics of the posture, Fixed Firm drudges up the fears of the past, fears I can’t quite explain without telling you a story, a simple story.
I think I might have been 8 or 9 or some age therein. I happened to be at a gathering in Big Bear, in someone’s house. I found myself rocking back and forth in a recliner when suddenly it tipped all the way back, scaring me. I cried out to the adults around me for help getting up, but they just laughed and told me I got into this myself, so I could figure out how to get out of it myself.
Somehow I did manage to get back up, but ever since that time I have had a fear of falling backward. I can be in the chair getting my hair done, and if the chair moves back too quickly I find myself feeling startled, and, normally, I’ll jump. I’ve been working on conquering this fear I have of falling backward, and I’ve gotten much better, but…….
When I’m in fixed firm, when I find my way to the fullest expression possible at this moment I have to fight the fear, the fear of not being able to get up, the fear of being stuck somewhere without help……it’s just fear.
Paradoxically, when my body finds its way into the pose, I also feel elation! Sheer JOY! My heart sings for my body is finding and exploring new places, and every time my body finds a new place my soul soars.
In that very real sense, fixed firm, my yoga, heals me in ways nothing else can for each time I enter the fear and fight through it to experience the joy I inch closer to my goal of self-realized love anchored on the inside.
I am pasting four pictures: the first pic is a then and now, showing 2014 and 2013; the last pic shows me doing Fixed Firm in the summer of 2013. The other two pictures, with me in the pink outfit, were taken on April 11, 2014 by Leila Brewster of Leila Brewster Photography: https://www.facebook.com/pages/Leila-Brewster-Photography/117192441646596. My yoga instructor, Loren Jay Cherrstrom assisted with the poses. You can find him on Twitter @sweatwithloren.
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